it is a sad thing when i have to watch friends around me crumble. i do try my best to be of help to them, but certainly i would be unable to devote all my time trying to make them feel better about themselves and making sure they're okie. perhaps sometimes i even tinker in wonderment whether the people around me would do likewise if scenarios were switched the other way around. its not that we've lost faith and hope in them, nor is it that we want to stay away from the troughs of their lives while riding only the high and happy waves with them. real friends go through shite together. yet sometimes what we want to really see is our crumbling friends trying their best to stay strong in such adversity, trying to do damage control, and remain dignified in such hardship only to walk away with their heads held high. and with that we pour our hearts to aid and heal and walk them through the valley of the painful heart and back into the hills of social happiness...the last thing that we'd want is the endless moping and hopeless contemplation that things will remain forever bad and terrible, and consequently drag us into the mire of a relationship gone bad.
break-ups arn't uncommon and it always hurts to be on the receiving end of the dreaded dumpster. yet it is important to recognise that recovery efforts from friends often come hampered by the phases that is an individual's road to recovery. and the onus is on the poor sod to help pick himself up, and the friends will help too.
the common phases of this trecherous road always begins with denial. denial is a very painful process of not wanting to admit that things have ended. denial is to tell oneself that things are not unfolding the way they really are. denial is telling people that you can change. denial is failure to accept the truth.
the denial phase is soon followed by hope. hope used to be a positive term but in this very instance hope is unjust and untrue. hope that things will get better. hope that the past can be revisited. hope of being together again. and hope to know what really went wrong. unfortunately answers are few and far between and are constantly muddled in conjunction with the denial phase. life just is the pits.
over time, self-blame takes over. this stretches into one's heart to ask the very questions asked to everyone. what went wrong? it has got to be me. is there something wrong with me? there must be. else i wouldn't be where i am now right? and the search begins. the reminisence of since it all began till the horrible end. where did the rot begin? what exactly is wrong with me? it must've been something i did. and self answered questions go on and on...
this leads to anger. anger over oneself. anger over the other.
then the blame game takes over once more. but this time it focuses on the other. now things are his/her fault. i gave my best. i have no regrets. the danger of reaching this phase is the mutation of anger fueled by blame, into hatred and bitterness. 'nuff said.
but hopefully over time, acceptance will set in. to finally know that things happened and you survived. and have become stronger for it. you recognise that things just didn't work out. it wasn't his fault, it wasn't her fault, fate just never intended for things to be thats all. there is a serene sense calm and enlightenment, to accept that you have come a long way and lived to see the light at the end of the tunnel. and you cherish the good times you've had.
years on, this will be but another small chapter in the eventful life that you've led. you think back of the past and smile, and tell yourself the experience has come a long way towards helping you become the person that you now are.
i hope this uselessness in attempting to explore the journey of break-ups will help those who are in need. and with that i wish you all the best in your perseverance. please feel free to comment.