Tight Like Pussy

and thats how i described the fortress of security that was the american embassy.

joe and i took a cab down from school. there was alot of queuing to be done. first we were early (reached at 830am) and had to queue way outside the embassy in a makeshift queue (there was this bitch who cut the line but no one reprimanded her!) to wait for the embassy visa application office to be opened at 845am.

then, when the visa application office was opened, we were told we could go to the embassy liaoz. so we had to walk up the short slope to the gates of the embassy (no unauthorized cars and blah so everyone had to walk up) in our queue order (this was where the bitch cut our queue!), and then wait again to go through security at the gates. we couldn't bring in our handphones and those with bags had theirs searched through. there was a gurkha armed with a heckler&koch mp5 (recognise a similar model from counterstrike, cool arm!) looking menacingly upon the queue. i think it must suck to stand there and be ogled at by the queue.

so after declaration of handphones we had to go through a metal detector and be manually swept. only then could we proceed on to level 2, no i mean the next checkpoint. which was another slope away. i waited for joe before walking up together. wasn't very xiong lah. then we were greeted by a thick glass door that had a sign outside that said "enter only when signalled to do so" i don't think those were the exact words but it meant that way. so it was a queue again. while queuing we find out that the embassy was inaugurated in 1997 by my main man william "blow my cigar" jefferson clinton (thats bill, lah).

okie so when it was our turn to enter i went in first and had to go through yet another metal detector (does that affect my spermcount?) and yet another metal manual sweep, this time the guard even has the time to joke with me that that stoopid tool he was using was damn powerful..geez i hope that thing drains him of his spermcount. then again he looked 50 so i guess it wouldn't have mattered...

when i'm done i wait for joe and we go into the visa application room together. it looks different from the lobby. looks more like a ticket reception lobby of a train station, covered in red and blue mosaic tiles and lined with red carpet (unsurprisingly all-american colours). each counter is opened or closed by the pulling up or letting down of blinds (just like in the movies!!) and we have to take our numbers and wait for them to be displayed. oooh there were wanted pictures of osama (they spell it as usama) and other criminal posters! though i thought it was pretty inappropriate cosidering ONLY the visa application room had them on their walls. i mean what'd they expect? that some of us visa applicants might know these people? hmm, maybe lor. dunno.

hmm long-winded blog. but i shall proceed.

so when it was my turn to be interviewed (interviews are conducted right at the counter in front of the approx. 2 billion other hopefuls who're waiting in that little room, listening to your every word) i was pretty glad to have found myself with a burly and bulky BUT friendly interviewer who went "boing, boing" everytime he stamped something. haha.

gentle giant: so...a camp counsellor ehhhh (tries to mimmick country tone *roll eyes*), where to?
me: granby, colorado.
gentle giant: from ntu ehhhh (yet again).
me: yup.
gentle giant: so watcha doing after the camp?
me: i'll be travelling for a month, then i have to come back for my convocation in ntu.
gentle giant: ah, coooool. boing! (this is where he begins his irritating sound-making)
gentle giant: and watcha gonna be doing afterthat? boing!
me: i'll be working as an engineer, in singapore.
gentle giant: great! any job offers yet?
me: yah, have two or...
gentle giant: boing!
me: ...three but still deciding.
gentle giant: good good, very good! boing! boing! boing!
gentle giant: okie then, and a last boing! your visa's approved and we'll send it to your feeder company first thing tuesday morning! have a great time.
me: thanks.

and that was it. less than 5 minutes, full of boings and a truckload full of lies. well it was gythri ramalingam who told us to lie, so lie i did thats all *innocent doey eyes*. joe's also got his approved quite fast.

afterthat getting out of the embassy was a breeze, no checks whatsoever. then joe and i went for mcdonald's breakfast and subsequently took a cab back to school.

yup and that was our visa application tour. what fun.