Nuahster

still no mood to do any work today. i woke early to go to school to meet my ens project mates. had wanted to stay in school to plough through my endless fyp/ens presentation but i think i lost the mood after i had duck porridge for lunch in can a. had this bloody strong urge to come back and nuah.

back in my room now with no mood to do anything. probably will just nuah around for the rest of today, tend to my fish tank or something, then i might find some mugging inspiration somewhere along the way.

went for a therapeutic swim with joe last night and no, we didn't get caught. swim was very good, i think we spent more time rubbishing about lotsa things under the sky than swim. somehow the water was really warm and yet i found myself shivering alot. weird. i swam 10 laps of the breath i think. was hardly a workout, but still better than nothing.

Now MY Legs Are Wet

lim choon seng just came to talk to me just now. talked about building a gym in what is now the meeting room. bloody hell he tied his dog sam outside my room and sam was lying all over my slippers and i had no idea. knn, so after mr longwinded-winded-winded left and towed that bitch away i walked out and the moment i put on my slippers i knew something was wrong. i don't htink it was pee since there wasn't a puddle, but it was still wet nonetheless... so i had to go wash my legs. and thats why my legs are wet.

village bicycle

does anyone know what a village bicycle is? haha.

anyway we just had a huge feast at extension. myself mark leon lincoln guoxin and zix. 2 whole chickens, 1 vegetable dish, 1 egg dish, 3 char kway teows and 2 bowls of rice each. one bloody huge feast alright.

nuahed the whole of today. no work done. did my laundry and vacuumed my floor. packed up my messy room.

last night's mambo trip wasn't very specacular. alot of dirnks (abit too much perhaps). alot of people were damn bloody high, chun, steven, hongwei, xiuwen...haiz jialatz. anyway its really probably the last trip till after the exams lah, really need to lay off partying for awhile liaoz. gives me alot of headache and heartache.

must get down to doing work tommorrow.

Total Recall

just came down to the com lab to cool down. the fluids mechanics lab is getting hotter and hotter especially when they have to off the fans to accomodate the wind tunnel projects. shoot. feeling quite bubbly this sunny afternoon. and looking forward to mambo tonight! according to john this is our last cheong session #4 liaoz. hopefully we'll stick to it being our last, else no one's gonna be able to study for the coming exams. mark john and joe have already begun studying liaoz, so envious, done with their fyps while us poor mpe folk are still slogging over it, right thomas?

woke up with a slight headache from last night's drinking session. think we all (besides the sipper) drank abit too much last night. hope it wouldn't affect those of us who're partying tonight. anyway just to elaborate more about the things that happened last night...

we met around 6+ to take a bus together to extension for mark's celebratory dinner. went to the BEST kopitiam, the one nearest to 7-11, the zhi cha there to eat. at least we had alot of cock to talk about while deciding what to order from the menus.

speaking of menus, me the hamsum idiot went to approach this really young nubile thing (i swear she looked like a m'sian ah lian working there) and asked "auntie ah, you mei you cai dan?" (auntie, do you have menus?) then wah lao she suddenly looked like she freaked out or something, and gave me a funny squealed up face before backing off and signalling that, erm she was also waiting for her dabao zhi cha food to be ready. shite. should've called her xiaojie instead. wah sibeh embarassing. ironically i was laughing like an idiot after i realised my mistake and decided to call this super-old ah mmm (whom CONFIRM works there this time) xiaojie. i think that totally made her day man. "you! you! zhe bian (moves to take menus), bu yong ke qi hor!" was her super-prompt enthu reply.

the rest of the dinner went by quite okie. chun joined us around 7, just as we started eating. i was trying to stall for time to wait for her but everyone was hungry, so bopianz. still, we were nice enough to order more vegetables since she likes veggies. so dun say dun have.

then we decided to buy beer, and the rest of what happened can be read in john's and joe's blogs. joe's blog about our lost-boy thomas is particularly insightful as to how lost in his doodling world that boy can be. lying on the floor, legs innocently waving about in the air and face in full concentration (you can almost see abit of tongue sticking out like a smart kid knowing what he's doing) while he took his time to doodle a stooopid sotong on mark's card like a kid in a drawing competition...

wah lao not say i wanna say lah but mark also damn bloody insensitive lor. whole bloody world in guoxin's room whispering and giggling in a little corner, he should have sensed we were trying to do something for his birthday lor. but nooo, mr kaypoh must barge into the room and peek around and even when joe and chun were trying to distract him away by leaving the room he still must find out what's going on...

and thats how mr kaypoh saw the lost boy draw his sotong.

sing birthday song next. no big deal, quickly got over with it. gave him his pressie which we didn't know what it was (chun bought it). so we asked him to open it. it was a shirt and a dumb lamb, mark are you gonna hug THAT to sleep every night? least the shirt looked presentably nice.

then we cut cake next. mark the royal majesty gets waited on while john struggles with the cake (must be a first time for him), mark takes his slice (the first piece) and stealthily fades off into my room (i noticed he had tried his pressie shirt on, so now he looks like a punk) to watch tv. everyone else gasps. everyone else sighs. everyone else proceeds to eat cake outside my room. everyone else cleans up cakey mess.

so it was beer guzzling time! nothing much lah. we played cai quan and 007 to get ourselves to drink. as you can see from everyone else's blogs, mark the cheat/sipper took like 3 hours to finish one can of beer. i think his beer was already beginning to grow mouldy. zix joined in the fun. zix the poor sod is new to 007 level 3 onwards where you play the normal game but cannot speak in chinese or english. i thought cannot speak chinese was already bad enough for him.

well that was our eventful night last night. hope mark the cheating sipper enjoyed himself. sure beer sucks, but you're supposed to drink ANYTHING and EVERYTHING people give you on your birthday (does not apply to my birthday though)!!!

time to get back to my fyp. haiz so slow. realised ens presentation is next friday. phew! got more time to prepare. gotta start speaking in malay liaoz. next wednesday is malay oral. malay people are ALWAYS into oral shit. dumb cikgu sibeh enthu. probably expect us to do the drama mamma rubbish he's always trying to advocate. dog shite.

happy birthday markie boy

today's mark's birthday. we celebrated for him by taking him out to extension for dinner and then buying beer back to drink ourselves silly. even bought him a nice little pressie and card. there were chun joe john tsen yeow guoxin mark and myself eating. drinking included zix. was quite a joyous affair, hopefully mark enjoyed it as much as the rest of us. kudos to lichun for initiating all this even though she didn't join in our drinking session. between us we downed 18 cans of beer. wow.

happy day. can't think of much to blog. happy anyway.

lazy blogger

hmm i think i've turned into a lazy blogger liaoz. haven't been blogging as much as i've wanted. each time something blog worthy happens i'd be already thinking of how to phrase it in my blog but once i'm in front of the computer terminal, i just get into rather-read-other-people's-blgos mode, and end up not blogging in my own. else maybe i just have a rotten memory and can't remember things enough to write about.

so anyway yesterday was a pretty eventful day which i really wanted to blog about. had the blog craving once in the afternoon, then in the evening and even twice at night. but hten no blogs. how lazy of me. i think yesterday was a very thinking-reactive day like alot of things that i did or happened about me was thoughtworthy and therefore, blogworthy. i can't really remember those thoughts liaoz so i figure i'll just recap all that's happened and maybe some thoughts might trickle back...

i forgot what time i woke, but i do remember it was when my brother came into the room after having to stay back in camp for some extra guard-duty caused by the 3-stooges-in-tekong incident. now the problem with two brothers who hardly come home (one in camp the other in hostel) sharing a room is that there's only one bed available at all times. should the both of us spend the night at home together, one's gotta sleep on a makeshift mattress on the floor (its always me anyway). so the night before i actually had the rare luxury of sleeping on the super-single bed (not like its bad to take the floor mind you). the moment i saw him pulling the makeshift mattress into the room (it's kept in my sister's room), i knew he was a tired wreck, so i nuahed a little while more before offering the luxurious bed, bolster comforter drooled-on pillow all to him. what a nice brother i am. and that was how i woke up.

i went through my normal sunday routine reading the papers for at least an hour before thinking about breakfast/lunch. there wasn't any yesterday so i jioed val to siglap to eat. this time we ate at the kopitiam beside siglap centre with the nice nice mee pok ampang yong tau foo and wanton mee (i didn't think it was good). sundays are really relaxing when you can slowly read the newpaper and slowly eat your mee and drink your whatever at a nice little kopitiam in the east. really haven't thought of any better way to spend a sunday morning...afterthat she had the car, so we drove to changi beach for awhile (though i'm not sure why liaoz) and went to enjoy the sea breeze there. but it wasn't too long after we reached that it started to rain, so we went back.

by the time val sent me home i was already late in my meeting to play soccer with jinde and his friends. jinde was late as usual, and it didn't help that he didn't bring his handphone along. i ended up joining another group of guys for soccer. now i have to say that its a really really wrong idea to attempt to play soccer in running shoes with a sprained ankle. i kinda found that out the hard way (as usual i thought the dumb ankle could hold out), suffering just after my first few kicks of the ball. for the rest of the game i ended up playing goalie, which still ended up hurting my ankle further. now there's a funny line of blue-black just above my sole. sheesh. anyway jinde finally came and he went to play with his friends but the rain cleared the whole field so me and him met up again. he had a friend, jeffrey who wanted to join us for dinner, and what a friend he was!

first he brought us to his club, singapore swimming club, to wash up. i've never been in there before even though it's been opposite dunman high since we moved into the new premises. but all i can say is that bathing there is a complete luxury. all that you need and don't need they also have. cosy, elegant and well equipped, i think my attempts to gush about how shiok it was to have a shower there would just diminish how great it actually felt there. hmm. must go back there to shower again given the opportunity.

after what felt like a super long time in the toilet (1.5hrs?) jeffrey drove us to blk 85 ba chor mee to eat. its a great and cheap place to eat when your super hungry, no money yet want good food. the other equal alternative according to them would supposedly by chomp chomp in serangoon? or was it sembawang? which me the suah koo has never ever been to. (will someone please bring me there someday?). we had ba chor mee, carrot cake, chicken wings and sugarcane juice, all for less than $10. shiok!

then my main man jeff even sent jinde (changi prison) and i (siglap) home! wow. if you're reading this, thanks a million jeff!

so anyway i went home to realise that bn (barisan nasional - m'sia's ruling coalition) has practically swept the elections, taking back terrenganu and almost winning kelantan. while pas suffered remarkable losses. go liberals!

later on my mom said she was tired so i didn't ask her to send me back to school. i took a bus to cityhall and then the train back to school instead. along what seemd like a really quick journey, i occupied myself with 'what if i had a million dollars' thoughts. very fun. at jp i bumped into seryang and we took the ride back together.

i hadn't even gotten to my room in the hall when i bumped into leon and beth in guoxin's room ALREADY discussing wednesday-go-to-zouk plans! haiz. really cheonging too much man. okie that might as well be my last last last cheonging session before the exams lah. haiz. hope i stick to that.

weixiong bought a new car. with what he earned from the surveys that he got omc and fap to do i suppose. if not exactly a very good one and there're countless jokes made about it, but its still something to call his own nonetheless. and he's fixed it up nicely with a good sound system (a must-have in MY car if i ever do own one) to boot! so he jioed me to go out with the rest of the 42 peeps for supper at boon lay market last night. not often he does that so i accepted his invitation to ride in his mobile. reminds me of the scrabble mobile i must say. feels really similar. boon lay market still hasn't moved back to its original premises. so damn long liaoz. still in that makeshift dump. boon lay nasi lemak ALWAYS tastes good.

so that was my really eventful sunday. think it sound a tad long winded. shall stop liaoz.

today i continued with my fyp. so xianz. ens presentation this coming friday too. darn. looks like the slogging will continue for the rest of this week.

Keep Feeling Cheated

today i had dinner alone at kfc siglap.

i can't help it, i really can't. each time i eat here i get the feeling that i should've burnt my cash and starved instead. why do i still go back? dunno. these people are really slowly but surely transforming into the marry brown of malaysia (remember johor and mark's half-hour one piece chicken meal??). it's crap. everything but their chicken sucks. how they are still remaining competitive in our local economy? mat support. no kidding. more than half their patrons are mats and their entire counter crew and kitchen staff (maybe except for the outlet manager) are mats.

how in the world do they do it? the brown plastic trays are so unclean that there's still mashed potato leftover on them, the ketchup packets have ketchup on them, the coleslaw'a overfilled that its spilling out of the container, potato wedges are cold (and there're only 3 pathetic slices) and the tables are dirty with leftovers. the service is slow and meals are so darn expensive ( bloody shite if it weren't for my craving for fried chicken...). i have no idea how they can find it in their hearts to charge $8.65 for a meal with 3 pieces of chicken. how in the world did they acheive the A grade classification by the environment ministry under such poor conditions?!! dun ask me. but if you did i'd tell you its the mats' fault. dunno how they afford to eat there though. hmm, no wonder marry brown's doing better than kfc in malaysia...

speaking of our northern neighbour the elections drama is really intriguing. polling's tommorrow and quite a few of my relatives will be voting in the state of selangor. probably voting bn. chinese there almost always vote bn.

the 3 idiotic fugitives in tekong have all been caught. good job saf! already it wasn't a very smart thing to land on the most armed island aside from our mainland, first thing they'd have thought of if they didn't wanna die or get charged under the firearms act was to ditch the weapons. but no, the third guy still carried a pistol. which he didn't use since he was huddling and shivering from hunger and the cold anyway...twit. zhiqi (she's not singaporean) thought it was quite kuazhang to be deploying 400 saf personnel and 300 police officers to the 20sq km island, but i guess you wouldn't understand till you've seen the swampy middle and eastern regions of tekong where the recce troopers and commandoes have trained before. no shit.

oh and president of taiwan chen shui bian won the elections to stay on a second term against all odds. won by barely 2% margin i think. shows that people do sympathise when you get shot - even if it might be your own party member (that's the conspiracy theory i'm siding with). opposition candidate lien chan declares elections void. haha. sore loser. so drama.

End Of The Week

its a really lazy saturday. think i'll give fyp a miss today and continue tommorrow evening. my pc crashed just as i finished this blog. so i had to retype everything. dog shite.

had a beer-drinking session outside xiuwen's room followed by lichun's room last night. weiming's come back to hall from ia so he just wanted a gathering. wasn't exactly way fun but still alright nonetheless. think i drink too much.

mark look alot better since last night. i hope whatever we've done has helped. it sure hasn't been easy for him nor us. but i'm glad we're pulling through. he even went for a jog with evarn and adrian last night. and he's handed in his fyp (envy* which means its one headache off his back. so good for him.

leon's also getting abit down lately. he was pondering aimlessly in front of lichun's computer the whole night. poor chap. i saw shaen taking some things back from his room just yesterday. really wanted to talk to her, but i guess i couldn't bring myself to. haiz. maybe if leon opened himself up a little more to us we might be able to help.

anyway i dowan to let all this stuff affect my fyp and schoolwork lah. darn. its quite xianz to think that i havent been doing much work for the past few days. but like i said. hopefully its been worth it.

A Useless Attempt On The Journey

it is a sad thing when i have to watch friends around me crumble. i do try my best to be of help to them, but certainly i would be unable to devote all my time trying to make them feel better about themselves and making sure they're okie. perhaps sometimes i even tinker in wonderment whether the people around me would do likewise if scenarios were switched the other way around. its not that we've lost faith and hope in them, nor is it that we want to stay away from the troughs of their lives while riding only the high and happy waves with them. real friends go through shite together. yet sometimes what we want to really see is our crumbling friends trying their best to stay strong in such adversity, trying to do damage control, and remain dignified in such hardship only to walk away with their heads held high. and with that we pour our hearts to aid and heal and walk them through the valley of the painful heart and back into the hills of social happiness...the last thing that we'd want is the endless moping and hopeless contemplation that things will remain forever bad and terrible, and consequently drag us into the mire of a relationship gone bad.

break-ups arn't uncommon and it always hurts to be on the receiving end of the dreaded dumpster. yet it is important to recognise that recovery efforts from friends often come hampered by the phases that is an individual's road to recovery. and the onus is on the poor sod to help pick himself up, and the friends will help too.

the common phases of this trecherous road always begins with denial. denial is a very painful process of not wanting to admit that things have ended. denial is to tell oneself that things are not unfolding the way they really are. denial is telling people that you can change. denial is failure to accept the truth.

the denial phase is soon followed by hope. hope used to be a positive term but in this very instance hope is unjust and untrue. hope that things will get better. hope that the past can be revisited. hope of being together again. and hope to know what really went wrong. unfortunately answers are few and far between and are constantly muddled in conjunction with the denial phase. life just is the pits.

over time, self-blame takes over. this stretches into one's heart to ask the very questions asked to everyone. what went wrong? it has got to be me. is there something wrong with me? there must be. else i wouldn't be where i am now right? and the search begins. the reminisence of since it all began till the horrible end. where did the rot begin? what exactly is wrong with me? it must've been something i did. and self answered questions go on and on...

this leads to anger. anger over oneself. anger over the other.

then the blame game takes over once more. but this time it focuses on the other. now things are his/her fault. i gave my best. i have no regrets. the danger of reaching this phase is the mutation of anger fueled by blame, into hatred and bitterness. 'nuff said.

but hopefully over time, acceptance will set in. to finally know that things happened and you survived. and have become stronger for it. you recognise that things just didn't work out. it wasn't his fault, it wasn't her fault, fate just never intended for things to be thats all. there is a serene sense calm and enlightenment, to accept that you have come a long way and lived to see the light at the end of the tunnel. and you cherish the good times you've had.

years on, this will be but another small chapter in the eventful life that you've led. you think back of the past and smile, and tell yourself the experience has come a long way towards helping you become the person that you now are.

i hope this uselessness in attempting to explore the journey of break-ups will help those who are in need. and with that i wish you all the best in your perseverance. please feel free to comment.

Draw

final game of our futsal tourney. no highlights. we drew 1-1 against hall 10. i felt like i was just going through the motions after a cheong session the previous night. john complains my tackles have zero bite and i dunt win my 50-50s. maybe i was a little tired. missed a glaring one-on-one again. got kicked in the ankle by a red shirt. i think its sprained. i think we were lucky not to lose. they hit our posts like 4 times while our goal came from a deflection. so technically i'm the top-scorer for the team for this tournement with 4 goals. yay. haha. our record, 1win, 1 draw, 4 losses. crap.

beth and mark are both going through crap. it's hard to be in their position. so i'll help if they need me. going to bathe then rub ankle liaoz.