Being A Better Manager 3

This is a common yet difficult leadership challenge—managing someone who is unaware of (or in denial about) their underperformance and reacts defensively to feedback. Here’s how you can approach this constructively and professionally:

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1. Document Specific, Objective Issues

Before any conversation:

• Write down specific examples of underperformance. Avoid vague terms like “bad attitude” or “not proactive”—be precise (e.g., “Missed 3 deadlines in April,” “Submitted incomplete report on X project,” etc.).

• Tie the issues to impact: How did her performance affect the team, clients, or project outcomes?

This helps shift the focus from opinions to facts and makes your case more difficult to dispute.

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2. Set Up a Private, Intentional Conversation

Request a one-on-one and frame it around development:

“I’d like to check in on your recent work and talk through how we can align better going forward.”

This tone is less threatening and more collaborative.

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3. Deliver Feedback Calmly and Specifically

Use the SBI model (Situation – Behavior – Impact):

• Situation: “In last week’s client meeting…”

• Behavior: “You dismissed the client’s concern without acknowledging it.”

• Impact: “That hurt trust and made it harder to move the project forward.”

Focus on actions and impact—not her personality or intentions.

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4. Expect and Manage Defensiveness

Defensiveness is often a defense mechanism for feeling unsafe, misunderstood, or unappreciated. When it happens:

• Stay calm and neutral.

• Reflect what you’re seeing:

“I sense you’re feeling frustrated or attacked—that’s not my intention. My goal is to help you succeed here.”

If she continues deflecting or pushing back:

• Refocus on shared goals:

“We both want you to succeed and feel proud of your work. This feedback is about getting there.”

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5. Make Expectations Crystal Clear

If performance isn’t improving:

• Set clear, measurable expectations (e.g., “Submit reports by Friday noon with no missing sections”).

• Put it in writing and agree on a timeframe for improvement (e.g., 30 or 60 days).

• Let her know there will be follow-ups.

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6. Create a Feedback Habit (Not Just a Crisis Conversation)

Build regular check-ins where you give and ask for feedback. This normalizes performance conversations and reduces anxiety when they happen.

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7. Involve HR or Your Manager if Needed

If she continues to deny issues or shows no improvement, escalate constructively:

• Ensure your documentation is solid.

• Frame your goal as supporting her success and protecting the team’s standards.

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Sample Script (Start of the Conversation)

“Thanks for taking the time today. I wanted to have an open, supportive conversation about some challenges I’ve been noticing in your recent performance. My goal is to be transparent so we can work together on areas that need improvement—because I believe in your potential and want to help you succeed. Would it be okay if I shared some specific observations?”